Buying their love: Spoiling children post-divorce

Couples that decide to end their marriage will undoubtedly feel the physical, mental, and emotional stresses that ensue. However, there are also others who must live with the repercussions of the split: the children.

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Divorce has significant effects on children. A study shows that apart from the trauma caused by seeing their parents fight, conflicts between parents cause children to be emotionally insecure when they reach adolescence. Moreover, it is believed that people with divorced parents are more likely to get divorced in the future.

Because of these long-term effects on the children, it is natural for either parent to overcompensate by spoiling them with material things. Though it may seem reasonable, it could actually do more harm than good for both the parent and child.

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Take, for instance, this scenario: A recently divorced mother who has always been a smart spender suddenly becomes an impulsive shopper just to get her children’s approval. Eventually, she struggles to pay her bills and her children have gotten used to their mom buying them whatever they want.

When parents are faced with this kind of situation, Suzanna de Baca of The Huffington Post suggests they reduce their spending. There is nothing wrong with buying gifts for the kids as long as not everything is a splurge. Not doing so would only make the children expect more until there comes a point that parents can no longer meet their expectations.

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Reducing spending can also teach the children about financial responsibility. They will realize that they have to work hard to get what they want and that other people’s affections cannot be bought.

Michael Kelly is a family law attorney and heads Kelly, Fernandez & Karney, the oldest and largest family law firm in Santa Monica, California. This Facebook page provides more links to articles on divorce and family.